Am I Alone?
by ber1719
Summary: She was devastated. Of course she was. How could she not be? But it was easy to forget how she was supposed to be feeling when he showed up on her doorstep like that.


It had been a while since the disaster of the Class President scandal. Months since Rachel and Kurt had reconciled their friendship. But as she stared at the glowing screen of her cell phone, dread filled her stomach. Twisting it in knots that tightened every time she thought of talking to him. In the same way that it had all that time ago.

Only this time, she was terrified for very different reasons. Then, she'd been scared of having lost him as her friend for forever. Now, she was terrified of what she might do or say if she talked to him. After choking not once but twice for her own NYADA audition, how could she possibly face her best friend now? How could she ruin his happiness just so that she could cry on his shoulder?

Rachel had no idea what to say to him. She wanted to congratulate him and tell him how proud she was. She wanted to be able to celebrate with him, but she couldn't. Because he'd made it and she hadn't. She had never hated herself more than in this moment. It was so selfish, probably one of the most selfish things she'd ever done.

So after her boys had run up on the stage to comfort her, she'd made her escape with Finn as quickly as she could. And Finn had made it better. Honestly, after she'd cried in his arms for two straight hours, she'd felt much better. But it wasn't quite the same. Finn just didn't quite get how badly she'd screwed up. He didn't understand the sting of Dean Tibideaux's rejection. Nor the black hole that the audition had created in her chest. As horrible as it sounded, she didn't need her fiance for this situation. She needed her best friend.

Kurt would understand perfectly. She couldn't go to him about though. No matter how many times he called her, tried to text, or showed up at her house unannounced, Rachel refused to talk to him about it. For exactly the same reason that he wanted to talk to her: because he cared. He wanted to be supportive. She got that, she really did. But at the moment, she just needed to stew. She had to feel miserable, let herself fall into it completely, before she could ever hope to pull herself out again. And she couldn't very well do that while he was around.

Because almost more than her wish to wallow in her own misery was her desire to shower her best friend with congratulations. She was so happy and proud that he had done so well with his audition. She'd always known that he was good but seeing him on the stage that had been their home for three years while he sang _that _song... It had been his best performance to date. He had taken a risk and ended up on top. She couldn't say that about a lot of people she knew and admired.

Her thoughts were shaken as her cell phone screen lit up once again. She couldn't hold back a groan. She wouldn't be able to avoid him forever. She did have school tomorrow. She was scared though. What if she said the wrong thing? What if she inadvertently pushed him away again out of her instinct to protect herself?

_What would you do if you were in his shoes, Rachel? _The idea popped into her head completely unbidden. She couldn't deny that she knew exactly what she would do. Constantly calling him, texting him nonstop, showing up at his house. All the while worrying about him and whether or not he was okay. Knowing that he needed her more than ever because only she could understand the amount of pain and regret that he was feeling.

Resolve hardened within Rachel. She knew she needed to stop avoiding him. Kurt wasn't going anywhere obviously. Besides, she needed him right now. More than she'd ever needed him before. And she missed him so much.

So, when she answered her phone, she wasn't surprised when it was punctuated by the opening of her door. Her head snapped in that direction and took in the sight of him standing there with his phone held up to his ear. He had on the warmest, softest smile she'd ever seen. A carton of ice cream under his free arm and two spoons in his hand.

Rachel could only grin in response and pat the bed beside her. He didn't waste time in following her silent request.

**So I should really be sleeping right now, but I was just thinking about the latest episode of Glee and this just sort of sprung out of the tips of my fingers. I'm really excited about it and I can't wait to see what you all think of it. Me and my infamous Kurtchel friendship fics. I just love the two of them and of course I've been a huge fan of their relationship since the very beginning of season two, so everything that has developed between these two characters over season 3 makes me so happy. **

**Oh and if any of you have read another of my Kurchel fics, "Fix Us" I have changed it to completed mostly because I originally wrote it as a one-shot and I've finally decided to keep it that way. Sorry for the confusion. Love you guys! And please review if you have the time!  
**


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